what do i do?

 depressed, but not suicidal. Yet.  In a relationship. Engaged 12 years. Adore him, but losing respect by the second.  I feel like the biggest loser, unlovable, not able to function some days.  This can’t go on or I will explode and expose my insides and I can’t kill myself because my parents are still alive and and I love them. Terrified of being alone, but in a hell of loneliness and limbo.This can’t be my life. I have to face and fight this. Life should be better, I think. I can’t live like this anymore.